There comes a point almost every evening when the personalities collide and someone will make an appeal to everyone’s favorite, the step-monster. The response that indicates that there will not be discipline, is, “ Don’t make me stop this couch.” Followed by giggling fits, the response could be more of the bad behavior or a “hands up, you caught me” gesture. I will admit that more often than not, it is because I am doing something that I ought not. It could be a nostril petting, poking an ear, pulling a toe hair. Really the options for my misbehavior are endless, even if they are all in good fun. Often, to my surprise, my offspring try these things out on each other, or worse, on me. This generally sets the larger of the dogs off, causing the the beginnings of the Asshole Olympics, where there are laps around the first floor of the house and often hurdles over the ottoman, cats, dog beds, or other obstacles to the galloping run. More giggling makes the dog more nervous, resulting in more racing around. This often startles a cat or the other dog and makes folks laugh uncontrollably until they turn red, fart, wheeze, or some combination of the three. The uncontrollable laughter and wheezing also make the big dog nervous, so more laps. Farting brings about curiosity, and large dog in the wheezing person's lap with an admonishment of, “Don’t step on my cretch.” This sets off other laughing, dog sprints, cats getting stepped on, and more exclamations. Hopefully, you can see where this is headed, but if you can’t, it is more hysteria from the house’s inhabitants. On slow nights, when the children are working or spending an evening at their father’s, there are other hijinks, but rarely is there a need to stop the couch.
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AuthorI make stuff. Sometimes the stuff is pretty, sometimes not. My wife, 2 dogs, 3 kids and 3 cats keep me busy and on my toes. Archives
January 2022
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